MidWorld

[AN: This is a short story. If by coincedence it is the same with your situation I have (absolutely) no knowledge about that. This is originally made by ME!!]

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   When I think about it, I wasn’t really a genuinely happy person. True, I may have smiled almost every time but it seemed as if those times were just to make them convinced that I was alright. I don’t want anyone to worry about me because I might just become a burden.
   I remembered those times that most of my classmates would come to me to be comforted of their broken hearts. No, not all of it is because of breaking up. I would give them my most gentle smile and try my very best to assure that every thing will be alright. I give them the best advices and after that they would thank me.
   It was like a never ending process. Getting hurt then being reassured; the same cycle, yet I never grew tired of it. I always want them to be happy. I don’t want anyone to be sad.
   There was also a time when I got hurt. I’m only human so it’s natural.
   My best friend and I liked the same person. She told me everything about him because she had a chance to be close to that person while I can’t. She was so happy when she talked about him so I have no choice but to endure it. I thought that someday I would tell her that I loved the same guy.
   The day came that I really want to tell her the truth. But, I heard that they had a relationship. She came to me smiling as widely as ever, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks. She was so happy that my heart cried. I just can’t tell her now. I was happy for her. This time it was genuine, one of the few times.
   Every time the class ends, he was already there at the hallway waiting for her. When our eyes met, he would smile at me and it even made my heart hurt more. That smile was because of my friend. I could only pray for their happiness.
   But when I think about it, there were things that I regretted the most. During those times I felt so stupid. If only I did what my instincts told me, but I wouldn’t. I was not born to be selfish. I learned to sacrifice even if it hurts. I have almost become numb because of the loneliness I have felt. I was almost a perfect plan to be able to be a sacrificing person but…
   Before I knew it, my heart began to open up to a person. It was as if I was not burdening all of the negative feeling. He was so caring that I fell in love with him. We became so close that most of his secrets were kept by me.
   Then a time came, he confessed to me. I was so happy but I didn’t accept it. Yes, stupid silly me. I was afraid that if he would be gone I would be all alone again trying to heal those wounds. I was so scared that I would almost sound like a hypocrite to all those who I had given advice. But still, I didn’t accept it.
   The atmosphere between the two of us began to grow apart. I forced myself to become the smiling idiot again. What became of him? He found another girl that he cherished the most. At least, he is happy now. I can’t become a nuisance… but I still regret it.
   If only I accepted him, we might be as happy as all the other couples out there. If only, I told my best friend about the fact that we liked the same guy, we might have had a chance. All these statements will only remain as they are. They are the past.
   After I recovered from that heartache, I became a fake; a pretend. I was happy on the outside. I appreciated what they’ve done for me. But that was not true. I kept the truth hidden and I became a liar. Lying seems to be much faster way to please people. I became a two-faced person yet nobody seemed to notice that.
   I hated those time. I almost hated everyone for not noticing my real self. I would try to resurface it but I was afraid that they would not accept me so I try to hide it again.
I found someone who almost found it but she disappointed me. She was like everyone else that didn’t notice. But still I could not hate them.
I never learned to hate or to be selfish. I only know how to please and make everyone happy. Besides the fact that I made everyone else happy, I still regretted every thing I had done.
   And now, as I write this as the last entry I wished that someday, I too will find the happiness that I seek. I want to be at least try being a little selfish and strive to get what I want; not just sacrifice for others but also for myself. I…I want to be able to be myself and be free from this pretend.
   Someday…may it come true…

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[AN: This is an intermission for 'The Arranged Marriage'... Thank you]